Thursday, June 25, 2009

It has been "A Day"!

Have you ever woke up in the morning just knowing it was going to be "one of those days"?

You wake up still tired ( especially because you are still getting up almost hourly from coughing spasms from a child who has whooping cough), in a bad mood. Maybe have a headache. Baby wakes up early so you don't have time to finish prayer time, the kids start to quarrel over toys, a child is sick and you wonder if it will spread to the rest of the kids, one child is getting upset because you don't understand what they are saying. Milk is spilled.

In the midst of this, do you struggle like I do to keep a soft answer because the Bible tells us "A soft answer turns away wrath" while your flesh is wanting to SCREAM! After all, I want to set a godly example before my family.

Yet the flesh is rising. So I try to talk to the children about the sin in their hearts and get them to understand this is why they are fighting. As calmly as I can not showing the anger that is festering up inside of me.

I cheerfully tell them to have a cheerful heart when inside mine is NOT cheerful. All it is thinking is......this is going to be a day! I start imagining what my day will look like while in the background their is murmuring by a child. One just spilled milk...again.

I feel the need to yell at them and tell them to stop all this mess.

So what do I do? My sin of anger is getting worse! I cry to God "Help me God because if you don't I will lose it right now! I need your strength!!!"

Then God convicts me of what I tell the kids to do when they are thinking of themselves.

"Think of the things of Christ and your day will be better. How can you have a bad day and think about Christ? He is to good!!! "

"Rejoice because this is the day that the Lord has made."

I open up the Bible and read to them...really myself...

Psalms 100.

"Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.
Serve the Lord with gladness: come before His presence with singing.
Know ye that the Lord He is God: it He that has made us, and not we ourselves; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise: be thankful unto Him, and bless His name.
For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting; and His truth endureth to all generations."

I then play a song "This Is the Day" for them and myself.

While the song is playing I picked up Elijah and twirled around the table dancing with him and laughing. The kids had big smiles on their faces and our day seemed to be getting better.

Until about 30 minutes later. The bickering began again ( on a side note, my children do not usually quarrel this much but they are really tired!). I start feeling the frustration building up in me. Next thing I know, my flesh is taking over again. I took my eyes off of God's goodness.

I fight. I will not let my sin control me!

"Now what!" Another circumstance to mess up my day I think.

I will not let this get to me. I will keep my thoughts on Christ.

School begins. I have a toddler hanging on me screaming in my ear with delight, a 6 yr. old working on reading his phrases to me, an 8 yr. old asking me questions and a 4 yr. old telling me she feels better and wants to eat. All at once. I try to manage it all being calm. Then out of frustration one of the children snaps at me for something.

I could feel my blood boiling!

"Go to my room NOW for disrespecting me and talking to me in a harsh voice!" as I tell my child in a harsh voice. Yes, I was aware that I was being just as disrespectful to my child and tried to stop but it was like something overcame me.

I call my husband with my days problems so far and confess my sins to him. Telling him the house is a wreck, the kids behaviour is not good and neither is mine. He is very loving and encourages me.

So I get off the phone and decide I am going to start over. So I make lunch and take it outside for a picnic. The kids LOVE picnics!

Without going into the rest of the details, my day did not get better. Kids still tired and whiny and me...still having "a day". I vented to a good friend ( thank you friend! I appreciate your ear!) By 4pm I was done. I was counting down the time till AJ would be home.

Now it is 7:47pm, AJ and the kids are gone to his parents and I am home with the 2 younger ones who are sleeping and as I sit here writing my post the Lord has been convicting me.

I tried in MY strength to overcome my sin. Instead of resting in Him. Why do I do this?

My flesh fails EVERY time but God NEVER fails!

So though I was happy to get some time alone I am now looking forward to seeing my children and can't wait until they get home. I have some repenting to do and ask for forgiveness from my kids for my actions and sin. I need to tell them what the Lord has convicted me of. Though they probably won't understand.

I think I will write some scripture on some index cards and place them up around my house in frequent areas to help me keep my mind on Christ.

And most importantly...I will now go and ask my heavenly Father for His forgiveness for my actions, my trusting in my own strength instead of His, and ask for HIS help and meditate on HIS goodness.

Though my day has been rough, I will rejoice for this is has been a day HE hath made and preordained for me to grow in Him.


Amy said...

Great post! Thanks for the transparency. I'm feel like I have those days more thanI shpuld or would like! Hope Kaie doesn't have the same thing we have been dealing with around here.

Kristy said...

This has been one of my hardest struggles - trying to remain calm when my kids act up or speak to me in a way I don't like - or during their fighting. It was worse when my older 2 were younger. Now that they are older, and have only one little one, there is not much fighting. Still, especially with a teenager and a preteen, there are many occasions where I blow it in anger when I react a way I shouldn't. Guilt quickly follows. It is struggle - even though I have prayed and prayed for it not to be.

Cinnamon said...

What a great post~ I popped over from Amy's. You have a beautiful family~