Why?

I check my email. My eyes are drawn to "Tom White Dies of Suicide".

Tom White? But...wait...did I read that right? Yes, Tom White.

For those that don't know, Tom White is a former prisoner of Cuba for his beliefs in Christ and sharing the Gospel with this lost country. He also was the director of Voice of Martyrs for persecuted christians. I have his book, I know his story.

I open up my email and read of his death. And my heart saddens. My eyes burst in tears.

His wife.
His children.
Grandchildren.

They have lost their loved one.

Their pain. My heart hurts for them.
Questions they are asking themselves.


"Why?"
"How come he didn't talk to me?"
"Why didn't I see signs?"
"What was going through his mind?"
"Did he die right away? Or did he suffer?"

These questions are close to my heart for I asked myself the same ones when my sister killed herself.

My heart stopped when I recieved the call from my family that night. I thought it was a sick joke, but it was reality. I hung the phone up.

I lost my breath.

I prayed.

I ran to AJ's arms to cry out to my God.

"Oh Dear God in heaven, I don't know why this happened, but I know you have a reason. Be glorified, be glorified......help... help me dear God."

This was all I could say and was my cry for a long time in the deep pain I felt.

Oh the pain this family is feeling right now. If only I could get to them and hold them tight. Speak God's Word in their minds.  

Tell them to cling to the promise God gives us in His Word in Hebrews 13:5 "I will never leave you; never forsake you."

Suicide brings different thoughts to your mind unlike other deaths.

Tom chose to take his life. My sister chose to take her life. 

There are so many feelings that go with this horrible way of death. Too many to tell here. Some I wouldn't repeat except to my closest friends for "others" may find it strange.

But in the midst of the deep, dark, horrible pain there is hope.

Didn't feel like it, I just had to believe it. I had to remind myself daily. Sometimes minute by minute.I had to stay in God's Word.

Oh! And will you do me a favor? Don't judge him. Don't say he is in hell. Don't say he wasn't a true christian or he would have persevered. Don't say he wanted attention. Don't say he can't be forgiven.

These accusations hurt. They did me.

My sister is in heaven. I know because she loved the Lord. She was a young believer, but a believer. Once saved, Christ covers all sins, past, present, future.  If she killed herself for attention...that is an odd way to get attention since she is not here to get it. My sister persevered in her own way. Did she give up? Yes! But we all fail. The only difference, it was permanent for her. For Tom.

The White family is hurting right now. Will you join with me in praying for them?
Pray they will keep their eyes on Christ? Pray that others will surround that family and hold them up in God's Word when they feel too overwhelmed to think for themselves?

Will you pray for my family? The pain never goes away. Gets easier. But doesn't leave.

I'll always miss my sister.
Toms family will miss their dad, grandfather, husband.

So why did Tom take his life? Why did my sister?

There are accusations. There are stories. 

Some say they don't know, but I know why. 

God's Word tells me in His Word:

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

That is why!

I know God has His reason. For my good. For the good of those in Tom's life that love the Lord.And I thank Him. He knows the best for me, Tom's family, and yours. I believe it. I trust it. And I have seen it.

So, in the midst of the pain this family is going through, my prayer is they will hold fast to God's Word. They will one day see how God has used this immense trial and God would be glorified from their mouths.

In Memory of a man who loved the Lord

and a girl...

Whom I still can't look at a picture of....

To God be the Glory.

Hello Again!!!

It's been a long time since I have blogged. I have had much that has gone on in my life the last 6 months. From illnesses, unexpected, sad, death of a cousin, trials of spiritual war, traveling, to just spending time with my beautiful family. It has been a long 6 months but good as I have seen the Lord work in my life. He has convicted me, He has grown me, He has chastened me. All glory to Christ our Savior.

I look forward to blogging again, and Lord willing, will be doing so on a more regular basis again. My goal is to do 1-2 posts a week. Though, I never know what the Lord will have planned for each day. 

I am excited  to catch up with all of you! Until then, may our Lord reach deep in your hearts and grow you in Him!


To God Be the Glory!!!
Christina

Update!

In July I posted the heartbreaking stories of the young lady who lost her hero...her father and my neighbor who lost his wife giving birth. Thank you to all who have called, e-mailed, asked about these two people. Thanks for praying!

Maelynn is doing ok. She was previous;y homeschooled but now is attending a school. She is loving it! I wish I could give more info. but I will leave it at please pray for her. It is a hard time for her. So much for a young girl to have to deal with at a young age. She is a sweet girl that my kids love. Please remember her. She needs our prayers......

My neighbor, Fernando, is doing as best to be expected.



Before I give an update, I would like to correct my info from my last post. It was second-hand.

The death of his wife was a difficult, tragic one.

They went to bed about 1 am, July 6th. At 3am he woke up to her having seizures in the bed. She was rushed to the hospital where they did an emergency c-section. Lisa was unconscious and he was not able to be there. Her heart was failing, kidneys, and eventually her lungs. Lisa lived for 18 hours. Which was a blessing. The condition she had, which Fernando didn't know in English, is rare. Most ladies and their babies die within 30 minutes. Instead of her fluid gushing out when her water broke, it went up. It is a condition most drs don't ever see in their practices. They only read about it.



Alicia was in PICU for a few weeks. Since returning home, Fernando has been her sole caregiver. Though he has had family with him, he has stated he wants to be the one to get up at night for her feedings, change her diaper, care for her like her mommy would have.

He has decided to sell his home and move to Pennsylvania to be with Lisa's parents. He left a week ago to live with his brother in San Antonio until his home sells.

Alicia is a doll. She is 3 months old now. She smiles, coos, has tummy time. Enjoys being outside.


Fernando...well...as you can imagine, this has been very tough on him. His heart aches. He longs to be sharing each milestone Alicia has with his beloved Lisa. He thinks of the joy she expressed about wanting to be a mother. But he is doing it alone...

Please pray for him. These days are very tough. I have seen the pain and tears in his eyes. The grief. The sadness in his voice. It is a hard journey. So many decisions to make. So many memories to be made without Lisa.

Please pray for the Lord to minister to his heart and give him a peace that can only be given by Christ. Pray for his house to sell quickly so he can be up near the resting place of his wife and surrounded by her family who supports and loves him.


I give thanks to you who has prayed on behalf of these 2 people. I do ask that you don't stop. This is just the beginning of hard journey for them. The holidays are coming up and birthdays will arrive. Times of grief will still be there.

Please pray with me that the Truth of God's Word would be made known unto them and Christ will be their strength in these great times of sadness...


Isaiah 40:18-31 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

PLEASE Pray For These Two Who Hurt...and Consider

This past week has been emotional.

It started on Monday, we received the news of a young girl we know, Maelynn, that her father Maxie had passed away.

9 days before he passed, he was working hard. Enjoying life. A few days later he said he hadn't fell well for a bit and decided he needed to be checked out. He went to the hospital to learn he had liver cancer. They sent him home with 2 weeks to live.

7 days later, he passed away.

My heart breaks for this young girl at the age of 16. Since I have met her she has often mentioned her love for her daddy. It was very obvious they were close.

Our family went to the wake, it was hard to look at her, walking around greeting people, giving out hugs. She seemed ok. Said she was holding up ok. I couldn't help to tear up often knowing that once these times end, reality will set in.

She will miss her daddy. She will cry out wanting to be held by him. She will grieve the loss of her hero.

After returning from the funeral on Friday, I went outside to grab my cup out of the van around dinner.

While out there I learned of some other news that sunk my heart.

Our neighbors, Fernando and Lisa, who are a young couple, have been expecting their first child. They have been excited, getting the house ready for their new blessing.

They didn't want to know the gender of their baby, wanted it to be a surprise. Her parents came in town a week before the due date to be there when the baby was born.

I talked to Lisa a couple of days before she had the baby, briefly sharing in the excitement of the upcoming birth of their baby. I offered a meal once the family left.

2 weeks have passed, I have seen many cars and family in town. I anxiously, but patiently can't wait till the family leaves to visit our neighbors and see their child. Wondering if she had a boy or girl.

Again, while out to get my cup, I learn of some dreadful news.

While in labor, the baby became distressed and they had to do an emergency c-section.

That night a precious life was brought in this world, but another was leaving.

This newest little blessing's mommy was dying.

Due to the mom and baby having some problems, they wanted to airlift them to a hospital in Houston for extensive medical care.

On the ride over in the trauma hawk, with the baby on one side, and his wife on the other, Fernando witnessed his wife die.

I am so saddened for this young man. A joyous moment he was expecting turned into a time of grief and heartache.

My heart has been hurting so much for Fernando.

I look over at our neighbors house and am so saddened.

It seems empty. Lonely.

I can not imagine what this man is going through. A time he thought he would be sharing with Lisa as new parents has dramatically changed.

The heartache he feels. He lost his best friend. In a time of grief, one would naturally turn to their spouse. Yet his wife is gone.

But life doesn't stop.

He has a little girl to take care of. A little girl who will never hear her mothers voice. Know the warm touch of her mother. She won't experience the love that her mommy already so strongly had for her.

Alicia will be discharged from the hospital Tuesday. Fernando will pick her up, strap her in her little car seat, and bring her home to the room her parents prepared for her.

He will bring her home to a house filled with many memories and have to start new ones without his beloved.

Fernando, a first time daddy, will be on his own to take care of little Alicia. Try to calm her cries, wake up every 2 hours, witness her first smile...alone.

I ask you, please pray. Pray for Maelynn who lost her daddy, pray for Fernando and Alicia. For both are greatly hurting.

Pray for our family as we reach out to serve these people. Pray that Christ would shine through us. For His glory.

And I urge you to consider...

Consider your loved ones. Do you spend time with them? Do you get mad over little things? Do you lay yourself aside to spend extra time with your child? Do you tell them you love them? Do you treasure your loved ones?

For you do not know when the last time you will see them. When they will see you.

God has a plan, and we do not know when he will take us from this earth.

You could die tonight. I could. Your loved one.

And most importantly, I ask you to consider one more thing...

If you were to die, would you know where you would go?

Most think they will go to heaven. But are you sure?

Good works won't get you to heaven. Neither will being kind. Nor trying to help those in need.

Have you ever lied?...Lusted over a lady?...Coveted someones car or life, talent...etc? Did you ever disobey your parents when you were little?

If you are honest, you will admit you are guilty. You have sinned against God our Creator by breaking His 10 Commandments. I have broken His commandments.

We all are sinners.

If you were to die tonight, based on knowing you have broken the most Holy God's commandments, do you think you would be innocent or guilty in the eyes of God?

Since God is holy, and can not be near sin, do you, based on breaking the 10 Commandments, think you would go to heaven or hell? If you have not put your trust in Christ and repented of your sins, then you will be sent to hell.

I am not trying to be harsh, but share my love with you. I care about your soul.

If you don't have a relationship with Christ, trust and believe in Him and have not asked for forgiveness for your sins, I urge you, today, to seek Christ.

Sunday Hymn

Sweet Hour of Prayer

William Walford 1772-1850

Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
That calls me from a world of care,
And bids me at my Father’s throne
Make all my wants and wishes known.
In seasons of distress and grief,
My soul has often found relief
And oft escaped the tempter’s snare
By thy return, sweet hour of prayer!

Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
The joys I feel, the bliss I share,
Of those whose anxious spirits burn
With strong desires for thy return!
With such I hasten to the place
Where God my Savior shows His face,
And gladly take my station there,
And wait for thee, sweet hour of prayer!

Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
Thy wings shall my petition bear
To Him whose truth and faithfulness
Engage the waiting soul to bless.
And since He bids me seek His face,
Believe His Word and trust His grace,
I’ll cast on Him my every care,
And wait for thee, sweet hour of prayer!

Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
May I thy consolation share,
Till, from Mount Pisgah’s lofty height,
I view my home and take my flight:
This robe of flesh I’ll drop and rise
To seize the everlasting prize;
And shout, while passing through the air,
“Farewell, farewell, sweet hour of prayer!”

( to listen, please push pause on song playlist first)

It's Raining!!!

With the much needed rain the Lord has blessed us with the past couple of days, I thought it would be great to repost this blog entry first done in 2008.

My how the kids have grown from this picture...

Almost every morning you can find Kaylyn checking the weather on the computer after breakfast. I will pull up the site and she will tell us what if it is going to rain or not. Lord-willing. When she sees it is in the forecast to rain in 5 days, she will countdown to the day when we will have a rainy day. And if it shows thunderstorms, she anticipates the day even more.

So, when we wake up to a dark, cloudy morning, with rain falling, it is an exciting day. We love the beautiful rain God gives us. I will often see my children standing near a window, gazing out, discussing how God is watering our grass and flowers for us.

Let me ask you. Do you enjoy the rain? When you awake in the morning and see rain falling down, do you murmur what a bad day it is? Have you ever considered how amazing rain can be? The glory it brings to God?

I would like to share the following meditation by John Piper about rain. It is lengthy, but please read all of it...it will make of you think of rain in a way you have may not have considered and known before.

The Great Work of God:Rain
Meditation on Job 5:8-10

But as for me, I would seek God,
And I would place my cause before God;
Who does great and unsearchable things,
Wonders without number.
He gives rain on the earth,
And sends water on the fields.


If you said to someone: "My God great and unsearchable things; He does wonders without number," and they responded, "Really? Like what?" would you say, " Like rain"? When I read these verses from Job recently, I felt, at first, the way I did on hearing some bad poetry that went something like this: "Let me suffer, let me die, just to win your hand, and even walk across the land?" Even? I would suffer and die to have your hand, and even walk across the land? As if walking across the land were more sacrificial than dying? This sounded to me like a joke.

But Job is not joking. "God does great and unsearchable things, wonders without number. He gives rain on the earth." In Job's mind rain really is one of the great, unsearchable wonders that God does. So when I read this a few weeks ago, I resolved not to treat it as meaningless pop musical lyrics. I decided to have a conversation with myself ( Which is what I mean by meditation).

Is rain a great and unsearchable wonder wrought by God? Picture yourself as a farmer in the Near East, far from any lake or stream. A few wells keep the family and animals supplied with water. But if the crops are to grow and the family is to be fed from month to month, water has to come from another source on the fields. From where?

Well, the sky. The sky? Water will come out of the clear blue sky? Well, not exactly. Water will have to be carried in the sky from the Mediterranean Sea over several hundred miles, and then be poured out on the fields from the sky. Carried? How much does it weigh? Well, if one inch of rain falls on one square mile of farmland during the night, that would be 2,323,200 cubic feet of water, which is 17,377,536 gallons, which is 144,735,360 pounds of water.

That's heavy. So how does it get up in the sky and stay there if it's so heavy? Well, it gets up there by evaporation. Really? That's a nice word. What's it mean? It means the water stops being water for a while so it can go up and not down. I see. Then how does it get down? Well, condensation happens.
What's that? The water starts becoming water again by gathering around little dust particles between .00001 and .0001 centimeters wide. That's small.

What about the salt? Salt? Yes, the Mediterranean Sea is saltwater. That would kill the crops. What about the salt? Well, the salt has to be taken out. Oh. So the sky picks up millions of pounds of water from the sea, takes out the salt, carries the water ( or whatever it is, when it is not water) for three hundred miles, and then dumps it (now turned into water again) on the farm?

Well, it doesn't dump it. If it dumped millions of pounds of water on the farm, the wheat would be crushed. So the sky dribbles the millions of pounds of water down in little drops. And they have to be big enough to fall one mile or so without evaporating, and small enough from crushing the wheat stalks.

How do all these microscopic specks of water that weigh millions of pounds get heavy enough to fall ( if that's the way to ask the question)? Well, it's called coalescence. What's that? It means specks of water start bumping into each other and join up and get bigger, and when they are big enough, they fall. Just like that? Well, not exactly, because they would just bounce off each other instead of joining up if there were no electric field present. What? Never mind. Take my word for it.

I think, instead, I will just take Job's word for it. I still don't see why drops ever get to the ground, because if they start falling as soon as they are heavier than the air, they would be to small not to evaporate on the way down. But if they wait to come down, what holds them up till they are big enough not to evaporate? Yes, I am sure there's a name for that too. But I am satisfied for now that, by any name, this is a great and unsearchable thing that God has done. I think I should be thankful-lots more thankful than I am.

Isn't rain amazing!?! As the rain continues to come down upon us this day down here in the south, may we meditate on God and His greatness in the rain.

To God Be the Glory!

This meditation was found in "Taste and See' by John Piper on pages 24-26.

Math and Chocolate!

It's summer time and most are out of school, yet some of us are still schooling through the summer.

Whether you are in or out, just because I care for you ;) and don't want your brains to turn to mush, I decided to put your brain to work and give you a word problem.

Get a pencil, paper, eraser and glass of milk ready.


Problem:

What does 3 cups of melted butter


6 cups creamy peanut butter


6 cups graham crackers

4 pounds of powdered sugar



and chocolate almond bark ( picture taken from google images)


plus 6 extra large Ziploc bags equal?


Answer:

Over 200 chocolate peanut butter balls packaged and ready to serve at an anniversary party.


Bonus Question for extra points:

What does a glass of milk plus taste testers equal?



4 happy children!!!



What are you doing this summer to keep your mind fresh and your tastebuds happy?

P.S.Amy S- I know your mouth is watering...don't worry...I saved some just for you! They will be hand delivered soon!